Out of shape? Tennis shoes growing cobwebs? Mine too. So I went to Modell’s to buy a trampoline to do some indoor jogging and picked up an “Urban Rebounder” for what I thought was going to be about a hundred bucks. I walked out with the thing for fifty bucks total (the sale/markdown wasn’t even displayed), complete with a DVD starring “JB Berns”.
My review: CHEESY GOOD! I never thought I’d turn on a t.v. to get motivated, but here I am online, buying more of Bern’s various work-outs, which verge on the creepy (racist?) with “African bound”, “Hip Hop Bound”, and “Latin Bound”. Just watch the video for a strange taste. Difficult politics aside though, my heart rate has reached abnormal climbs as of late, and I’m feeling better for it. JB Berns is encouraging with his cheesy, “No doubt”, “You’re rounding to third” and “You owe me a twist”. I want to mix it up now, so “Yoga Bound” and “Hip Hop Bound” it is. Incidentally, the used prices on Amazon don’t beat the prices at Collage Video.
But the point of this post is to note an excerpt from an Amazon review by S. Burton in Utah, “The main instructor, JB Berns, puts me in mind of the martial arts instructor from Napoleon Dynamite, but he’s not that bad. He’s actually kind of funny. He does take the name of the Lord in vain twice in First-Timers and once in Basic. I hope that will not continue into the other programs. You’d think someone would have told him . . . (unless they didn’t want their face smashed?)” That alone should be enough to make you rev up the player and get crunk with a little JB.
Amy King is the recipient of the 2015 Winner of the Women’s National Book Association (WNBA) Award. Her latest collection, The Missing Museum, is a winner of the 2015 Tarpaulin Sky Book Prize. She co-edited with Heidi Lynn Staples the anthology Big Energy Poets of the Anthropocene: When Ecopoets Think Climate Change. She also co-edits the anthology series, Bettering American Poetry, and is a professor of creative writing at SUNY Nassau Community College.