How To Recruit Ladies For The Lesbian “Lifestyle” & Hot New Scam



While I can’t quite do the graphic design work that went into Gay Timesman-pussy ad or its “women are all stupid, frightening bitches” ad or even any of its threeget laid more” ads, I can push out a list of talking points like a mofo. So, following are the talking points lesbians really need to start using to recruit more women to the Sapphic Lifestyle.

  • Breasts are fun. They just are.
  • You know how you used to fish for compliments about your shoes from your boyfriend? Yeah, don’t worry about it.
  • You’ll never have to smell schweaty balls again.
  • You know you always kiss a guy after he goes down on you, so you can’t claim squeamishness.
  • When you cry, your girlfriend won’t try to fix the problem, she’ll just let you have your feelings.
  • Double your wardrobe, double your fun.
  • Body hair maintenance really is optional.
  • Rachel Maddow. You know you want her.
  • No woman will ever try to use her teeth on you during oral.
  • And, if you’re really one of those girly-girls who is super into the Dream Princess Wedding, there’s only one thing to say: two wedding dresses.

Anything to add, ladies? Reader suggestions found here.


WARNING: They hijack your email box and send a plea to your friends that sounds *plausible* (sort of). Don’t send your friend a dime until you actually speak to him or her!

From: David
Date: Tue, Nov 11, 2008 at 5:01 PM
Subject: I am sorry i didn’t inform you
To: recipients <undisclosed>

How are you doing today? I am sorry i didn’t inform you about my traveling to Africa for a program called “Empowering Youth to Fight Racism, HIV/AIDS, Poverty and Lack of Education, the program is taking place in three major countries in Africa which is Ghana , South Africa and Nigeria . It as been a very sad and bad moment for me, the present condition that i found myself is very hard for me to explain.
I am really stranded in Nigeria because I forgot my little bag in the Taxi where my money, passport, documents and other valuable things were kept on my way to the Hotel am staying, I am facing a hard time here because i have no money on me. I am now owning a hotel bill of $700 and they wanted me to pay the bill soon else they will have to seize my bag and hand me over to the Hotel Management, I need this help from you urgently to help me back home, I need you to help me with the hotel bill and i will also need $850 to feed and help myself back home so please can you help me with a sum of $1,550 to sort out my problems here? I need this help so much and on time because i am in a terrible and tight situation here, I don’t even have money to feed myself for a day which means i had been starving so please understand how urgent i need your help.i have decided not tell my family so that they will not be worried.when I return I will tell them and they will understand.
I am sending you this e-mail from the city Library and I only have 30 min, I will appreciate what so ever you can afford to send me for now and I promise to pay back your money as soon as i return home so please let me know on time so that i can forward you the details you need to transfer the money through Money Gram or Western Union.Hope to hear from you.

Your friend’s name here


Takes the Boys To Task
Takes the Boys To Task

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AMY KING View All →

Amy King is the recipient of the 2015 Winner of the Women’s National Book Association (WNBA) Award. Her latest collection, The Missing Museum, is a winner of the 2015 Tarpaulin Sky Book Prize. She co-edited with Heidi Lynn Staples the anthology Big Energy Poets of the Anthropocene: When Ecopoets Think Climate Change. She also co-edits the anthology series, Bettering American Poetry, and is a professor of creative writing at SUNY Nassau Community College.

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